


On Reflection

by elem (elem44)



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2019-01-31 18:11:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12687540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elem44/pseuds/elem
Summary: This was written for Saffron for the Secret Steamy Summer exchange, 2007.





	On Reflection

**Author's Note:**

> Here is her request.  
>  _"For whatever reason or circumstance, Janeway and Chakotay ‘switch bodies’ and the NC-17 scene has to occur while they are inhabiting each other’s bodies and they have the rare opportunity to discover what the other person experiences during this time. I mean knowing what ‘turns their body on would give them a certain advantage, don’t you think?_  
>  _Maybe add a 2nd NC-17 scene with them as themselves for balance … but that decision is up to you and your muse._

The turbo lift doors swished open with an ominous hiss and Chakotay, along with the entire bridge crew, cringed. They didn't dare move as Kathryn strode down to the command level. The staccato clip of her boots ringing loud in the tension filled silence.

With a voice like chips of ice, she waved a PADD in his direction and barked over her shoulder. "Commander, my ready room. Now."

Stifling a sigh, Chakotay stood up and traipsed after her.

Anger rolled off her in waves and Chakotay steeled himself as she disappeared through the ready room doors.

Giving Tuvok a quick nod to silently handover the bridge, he disappeared into the room after her.

There was a collective sigh of relief when the ready room doors closed. Tom swung around and glanced at Tuvok and Harry, but spoke to no one in particular. "Well, it looks like things are still just _peachy_ in 'command team land'. I wonder if Chakotay will make it out alive this morning?"

Tuvok gave Tom a stern look. "I would suggest, Mr Paris that you confine yourself to your duties and not concern yourself with affairs that are none of your business."

Tom rolled his eyes and thought to himself. ' _Affairs – if only._ ' Before reluctantly spinning back to face the viewscreen. He mumbled loudly enough for everyone to hear. "It's a bit hard to ignore." The muffled sound of the Captain's raised voice could be clearly heard through the bulkheads.

This had been going on for over a week now – ever since they'd cleared the Void.

Everyone had thought that once they were back in star-filled space that life would return to normal – well, what passed for normal on a ship marooned tens of thousands of light years from home – but they'd been wrong.

Kathryn Janeway, although not hiding away in her quarters anymore, was just as moody and withdrawn as she had been in the Void. As Ensign Hickman had so delicately put it. 'She had a burr under her saddle and it was drawin' blood.'

The joy and relief of finally being able to see stars again had barely subsided before she'd pulled Chakotay aside and reprimanded him for alerting the rest of the crew to her intention to take a shuttle to seal off the vortex and navigate the Void on her own.

It had been a suicide mission and they'd all known it, and that was why they'd refused to follow her orders. It was as close as they'd ever come to a mutiny, but it had been a mutiny of good intentions. As her loyal and caring crew, they couldn't allow her to sacrifice herself, even if she was willing.

And she had been willing.

Far too willing. And _that_ was what had been so worrying about the whole incident.

Since then Chakotay had been acting as a buffer between her and the crew, but it was wearing him down. They were thankful that she was amongst them again, but having her around in this frame of mind was having its own deleterious effect on morale.

Tom glanced again at the Ready room doors and wondered what they were arguing about. Oh, to be a fly on that wall.

He swore that sexual tension was what fuelled these arguments. B'Elanna and Harry thought he was imagining things, but he was pretty good at spotting two people who were attracted to one another, and the Captain and Commander, as far as he was concerned, were like opposite poles of a magnet and had been since the moment they'd met. They'd wasted a lot of time, over the years, defying that irresistible pull and he just wished they'd get on with it and put themselves, and everyone else, out of their misery.

He wondered how Chakotay was faring and sighed to himself. Probably not well if the last few weeks were any indication. Tom checked his console and tried to ignore the sounds coming from the Ready room. It was a bit like having your parents fighting. It put everyone on edge.

* * *

Chakotay watched and waited while she read through the PADD in her hand.

The last few months had been hard on everyone and Kathryn, as usual, had borne the brunt. Chakotay understood her anger. He, in fact, shared it to some extent but, as was her habit, she'd refused to let him share the load or help her in any way. No matter what her state of mind, she remained as stubborn as ever.

Standing at parade rest in front of her desk, his mind churned over the events that had led to this point.

The preceding months had been a veritable cavalcade of disasters. The Hirogen and their holographic war games had left a grisly and bitter legacy. The ship had been torn apart, literally, and there were still marks on the wall of Kathryn's Ready room where the Hunters had hung their gruesome 'trophies'. He'd spent a grim two hours one afternoon, after the Hirogen had left, helping her pull down the macerated bones of Ensign Hamilton and Crewman Porter from the bulkhead above her door. She'd been eerily quiet that day and Chakotay had been very worried about her, but by the next morning she appeared to be back to her usual businesslike self. It had been a fine performance but he hadn't been fooled.

He knew why she'd left the marks there. They were a memorial to those crewmen who had died and a reminder of what they'd lost, but also of what she perceived to be her failure. In her mind, the blame rested squarely on her shoulders because she'd failed to keep them safe.

They'd lost several of their crew to the Hirogen hunters during that time and the ship had been devastated. To end the fighting Kathryn had been forced to compromise her principles, _and_ the Prime Directive, and trade technology for their survival. She'd handed over a holodeck datacore to the Hirogen in return for their safety and Chakotay knew that with that one act alone, if they ever made it back to the Alpha Quadrant, she would be drummed out of the service without a moment's hesitation.

But she'd done what she had to do to save her crew and, no doubt she'd do it again if the situation warranted it, but it had been a high price to pay.

They were barely on their feet again when they'd stumbled across the deadly Omega molecule. Chakotay had taken Kathryn to task over the secrecy surrounding Starfleet's directive and her intent to again sacrifice herself. They'd had a rather frank discussion in the Astrometrics lab before she'd reluctantly agreed to allow the crew to help her carry out her orders to destroy the molecule at any cost. But she'd known that this compromise was yet another nail in the coffin of her career.

The Demon planet and their encounter with the bio-mimetic compound had been their next near disaster and leaving cloned copies of the entire crew behind on the planet had blasted yet another great hole in the Prime Directive.

After that they'd spent a month in stasis as they crossed that damned nebula, and just as things were getting back to normal, they'd met the malevolent and vengeful Arturis.

He had inflicted the cruellest blow of all, taking advantage of their plight and manipulating their desire to return home with the decoy in the shape of a slip-stream ship, the Dauntless, that was supposedly intended take them back to the Alpha Quadrant.

Kathryn had been wary right from the start and, in the end, her suspicions had been proved correct, although she'd taken no joy in the knowledge. She'd exposed Arturis's treachery but had come away from that incident with a new level of guilt.

Arturis blamed her for the assimilation of his entire race. Voyager's interference in the war between the Borg and Species 8472 had led to his species' destruction at the hands of the Collective. Kathryn, herself, had been within a hair's breadth of being assimilated, but they'd rescued her in time.

However, although she'd been saved, a part of her had been lost. Chakotay had tried to reason with her at the time, citing that she couldn't have known about Arturis's people, but she'd just given him one of those looks and dismissed him, only to sit alone in her Ready room for days on end.

These incidents had taken a bitter toll on Kathryn and just when they thought things couldn't get any worse they'd struck the Void and its endless light years of nothingness.

It had been the final straw and Kathryn had withdrawn completely from life aboard the ship, spending day after day in her quarters, staring at the blackness of space and torturing herself about situations over which she had little or no control, but blamed herself for anyway.

A crisis with the Night aliens and the Malon had brought her out of her quarters and she was now back amongst them… but not entirely. Some integral part of Kathryn Janeway was missing and Chakotay wasn't sure how to find it again, and sadly, he had the feeling that Kathryn didn't either.

Anger, self recrimination and a vile temper had been her refuge, but it was taking all of Chakotay's strength and patience to deal with her.

Kathryn suddenly swung around to face her First Officer, brandishing the PADD. "So, can you tell me why I have to tolerate _this_?" She gritted her teeth and he watched as the small muscles in her jaw twitched as she tried to control her anger. Her eyes narrowed and her lips thinned as she waited for an answer. Control was hard fought for.

Chakotay took a steadying breath before he answered her. This wasn't the first time he'd tried to explain why some of the reports from Engineering had not been up to par

He'd already told her about the implementation of the new crew rotations but he tried once more to appease her. "I've explained this already, Kathryn. We decided, while we were in the Void, to implement Neelix's suggestion of rotating crew assignments. It's given those who wanted to expand their knowledge base an opportunity to learn new skills by moving to other departments. Grant you, it's not the perfect situation, and there have been a few glitches as everyone settles into their new roles, but apart from the odd hiccup, it has been working well." He was trying his hardest to be non-confrontational, but she was being unreasonably rigid and uncompromising. His patience was wearing thin.

"I should have been notified of these changes. This puts the entire ship at risk. What would happen if we were attacked? Did you think about that when you were busy playing mix and match with the crew assignments?"

Chakotay could feel his blood pressure rising. What was her problem? She'd known about this for weeks. The new system had been in place and working well for all that time and it wasn't necessary for her to be so combative. He counted to ten and then answered her in a quiet voice. "Kathryn, I think you're being unreasonable. This implementation has been a great success. Having crew that are adept and experienced in multiple disciplines can only stand us in good stead in the future. I know there have been a few problems, and that was bound to happen, but things are improving and the crew, on the whole, are very happy with the results."

"Well, I'm not." She placed both her hands on her desk and leaned forward. "In future, do not take it upon yourself to make these types of changes. I am the captain, not you."

Well, that was it. He'd been putting up with this crap for weeks now, and enough was enough. Slamming his hands on the desk, he leaned in close to her, his hot breath in her face. "Well then, behave like a captain and not like a spoiled brat. I had to make the decision because at the time you were too busy sulking in your quarters. I tried time after time to get you involved but you as good as told me to do as I pleased. Well, this is the result, so live with it. And if you can't, then perhaps it's time that you stepped aside. Your behaviour over the last couple of months has been _far_ from captainly. I'm disappointed in you, Kathryn and a lot of the crew are too. Wake up to yourself."

Kathryn blanched. She'd never imagined him speaking to her like this.

She took a deep breath ready to tear strips off him for his insubordinate behaviour, but he cut her off and responded bitterly.

"Oh, don't bother. I know. I'm relieved of duty and confined to quarters. I'll let Tuvok know on the way out. We're all familiar with the drill. If we don't agree with you, we are conveniently removed." He shoved himself away from the desk then tossed over his shoulder on the way out the door. "You'll have my resignation on your desk by this afternoon, _Captain_."

Kathryn caught a quick glimpse of Harry Kim's shocked face before the doors snapped shut and she was left alone with Chakotay's bitter words echoing in the silence. He was right, she'd been a pathetic excuse for a captain over the last few months. No wonder he'd had enough of her and wanted to resign.

Kathryn tried not to panic, but try as she might, her breathing became rapid and her heart thundered in her chest. Her eyes darted around the room and she blinked rapidly. The unfamiliar stars seemed to taunt her and as she stared at the marks on the wall above her door, the self-loathing and bitterness surged within her. She scrunched her eyes shut but Chakotay's angry face was hiding behind her closed lids. Her eyes snapped open again and slapping her hand over her mouth, she stifled a sob. It was then that her legs gave way, and with a thud, she collapsed to her knees behind her desk. Her breathing now reduced to jagged gasps, but she was too distraught for tears.

What had she done?

Kathryn stared at the space under her desk and had an almost uncontrollable urge to crawl in there and hide, like she had as a child under her father's desk. She wanted to be like that again. Safe and secure and loved. But she couldn't even remember what it felt like anymore. The fear, the guilt and the overwhelming responsibility had purged all the goodness from her and now Chakotay had gone. The last vestige of her humanity had been her link to him and that was now broken.

Something wrenched free from inside her and she felt like she was bleeding out but she didn't know how to staunch the flow. Closing her eyes she tried to picture her father's face, but even his memory had been tainted by her time here in the Delta Quadrant. All she could see was the malevolent creature, in the guise of her father, who had tried to lure her to her death. For a split second she thought of welcoming him, but even as hollow and desiccated as she was, she wouldn't give up. The guilt, and the promise that had sprung from that guilt, wouldn't let her.

Her duty was to get the crew home.

Kathryn stared at the dark hole under her desk. Her heart mirrored that empty space and she could almost feel herself falling into the blackness, but she was jolted back to reality when her combadge chirped.

It was Tuvok. _"Captain, we have detected an M class planet, one light year off starboard. There is evidence of a warp capable society and advanced technology. Shall I change course?"_

Kathryn took a deep breath to steady her voice. Duty called. "Yes, Mr Tuvok. Change course and send out the usual hails. I'm on my way."

Dragging herself to her feet, she straightened her uniform and taking several more deep breaths, she attempted to calm herself. But her equilibrium had been shattered.

The Bridge crew would wonder what was wrong if she didn't appear soon, so with one last calming breath, she pushed aside her anguish, smoothed her uniform and hair and strode out of the Ready room doors.

The first thing she saw was Chakotay's empty chair and her stride faltered. She covered her misstep by looking towards Harry and barking. "Any response to our hails, Ensign?"

Harry came to attention "Nothing yet, Captain, but we're still a good distance from the planet."

Kathryn nodded as she took her seat.

Gripping the armrests of her chair, she stared at the centre console, trying to concentrate on the readouts of the planet ahead, but she couldn't get her mind to focus. The emptiness of the chair beside her was mocking her and Chakotay's words were like a bitter mantra inside her head. She had to fix this and she had to do it now. What he'd said was true. Over the last few months, she'd simply been compounding one bad decision with another and it was time for her to face up to her shortcomings but above all she owed him an apology. He'd taken the reins while she'd holed up in her quarters, he'd not complained and only tried to help her and this was how she repaid him. This was her wake-up call.

Kathryn stood up. "Mr Tuvok, you have the bridge. Keep me posted on the communications with the planet. I'll be in my quarters."

Tuvok nodded, but even he frowned as he watched her step into the turbo lift. This was most out of character for Kathryn Janeway, but perhaps it was just an extension of the unusual behaviour she had been displaying for the past several weeks. He hoped that she would come to some sort of understanding with the Commander. Their discord was having an unfortunate affect on the crew but there was little he could do. He logged himself in as senior Bridge officer and after his replacement had taken over at Tactical, Tuvok took the centre seat.

Tom Paris swung around and gave Tuvok a telling look. The Vulcan chose not to respond but silently shared his concern.

* * *

Kathryn strode out of the lift on deck three and passing her quarters, continued down the corridor to Chakotay's door. She owed him an apology, she owed a lot of people apologies, but she would start with the most important.

She rang the chime and the doors opened almost immediately. Stepping over the threshold, the doors hissed shut behind her and taking with them, the light from the corridor.

It took a second or two for her eyes to adjust to the dim lighting before she focussed on Chakotay sitting at his desk, no doubt composing his resignation letter. He stood when she entered, his eyes not meeting hers, but staring past her left shoulder.

Kathryn took a deep breath, apologies were not her forte, but this had gone on long enough. "I'm sorry, Chakotay. You have every right to be angry with me. My behaviour over the past few months has been… wanting, to say the least, and I intend to do something about it, but, for now, I'm asking you, as a friend… please, don't resign." Her voice hitched a little as she spoke and his eyes darted towards her.

It was time to bare her soul, or at least try. "If you want to know the truth, I don't think I can do this on my own. I rely on you for so much and I know I never tell you just what it means to me that you're always there, supporting me. But without you, we couldn't have come this far and I'm asking you to reconsider your decision." She took another shaky breath and added. "Please."

Chakotay stared at her for a moment. It was tempting to take advantage of the situation and push her to reveal and, hopefully accept, her emotional fragility, but knowing Kathryn, she'd just lock up and things would only get worse. He was prepared to be thankful for small mercies. So he relaxed his stance. "Coffee?"

Kathryn gave him a tentative smile. It was the first, almost genuine smile she'd given in such a long time. It felt strange. "Yes, thank you." But it looked like they were still friends. She was relieved.

Chakotay ordered their drinks and Kathryn took hers gratefully, glad to have something to do with her hands. After taking a sip, she looked at Chakotay. "If I promise to be a better captain, will you please reconsider your resignation?"

Chakotay looked her in the eye for a long moment and then turned to his computer console. "Computer delete document."

There was a soft ping and the computer erased his resignation letter and Kathryn sighed with relief. "Thank you, Chakotay. I appreciate that."

After taking one last sip, she placed her cup on the table and turned to go.

"Kathryn, wait." Chakotay caught her arm. "We have some things that we need to talk about. I'll spring for another coffee if you'll stay?" He smiled, trying to lighten the moment.

Kathryn just stared at him. The apology had been difficult enough and she really didn't have the wherewithal to do any soul searching just at the moment. She tried to evade.

"Thank you, but I really should get back to the bridge."

"Kathryn, you need to talk. It doesn't have to be to me, but you need to talk to someone. You can't go on like this."

Anger started to surface again and she tried desperately to contain it. Why did he have to push? "I don't have a choice, Commander. From the moment we were stranded out here, I haven't had a choice. So please desist with your amateur psychoanalysis."

He swallowed his angry retort and spoke gently. "It's Chakotay, Kathryn, not your first officer, and I want to help. As your friend and someone who cares about you, I don't like seeing you like this."

The flint returned and the sparks flew. This wasn't about him or what he liked or didn't like. She'd already told him, she didn't have a choice. "Well, get used to it. This is me. This has always been me and if you don't like it, well tough. I don't have time to be concerned with your tender sensibilities. I have enough to worry about."

Chakotay still had a hold of her forearm and his grip tightened. "Kathryn, you have no right to speak to me that way – not as your First Officer and especially not as your friend."

"I can speak to you however I please, Commander and if you don't let go of my arm, I'm going to call security and have you removed to the Brig."

Chakotay closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He let go of her arm slowly and opened his eyes. "The remorse didn't last long, did it, Kathryn? One apology doesn't give you the right to abuse our relationship. No matter what you think."

"Our relationship? What relationship? I'm your Captain and you're my First Officer, we have no _relationship_." Her eyes were spitting fire, and she knew what she was saying was hurtful and untrue, but she was in so much pain that all she could think to do was to lash out and hurt the person she whom cared for the most. Isn't that what one always did? Hurt the one you love?

"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that, Kathryn, because I know you don't mean it. You're in pain and you're hurting, and as much as you don't want to know, I do care. I care deeply and I just wish you could see things from my perspective for a change. Life here isn't so bad."

"I'd welcome the respite and maybe you could get a taste of what it was like to be me. Walk a mile in my shoes, Chakotay…"

There was a blinding flash of light and the red alert sounded. Their heated words hovered in the air between them for a split second and then duty took precedence. Voyager was in danger and all personal problems were instantly set aside.

Kathryn tapped her combadge as she and Chakotay strode out the door of his quarters towards the turbo lift. "Janeway to bridge. What's happening, Commander?"

_"We have been scanned, Captain. The power signature originated from the planet. However, I am unable to identify the power source. It measured over two terawatts of energy. Hails have been sent out on all channels but as yet we have had no response."_

"Keep trying. I'm on my way."

_"Aye, Captain."_

Kathryn turned to Chakotay in the turbo lift. Her arm was still hot where he'd held her and she knew she should apologise again, but as usual Voyager's needs came before either of their own. She took a deep breath. "We'll make a point to talk later, Chakotay."

"I think we should."

Kathryn nodded and, with difficulty, shoved their differences to the back of her mind.

Her curiosity was piqued, however, by the energy signal and she muttered quietly. "Two terawatts of energy? They must be harnessing a singularity of some kind to focus their scan, or some other massive power source that we've never encountered before. What are your thoughts, Commander?"

Chakotay suppressed a smile. As irritated as he was with her at the moment, he had to admit she was at her best in a crisis. A mystery to be solved was her haven. Perhaps there was hope for her yet. "I think that a race as powerful as that could swat us out of existence if it so pleased. The fact that they haven't makes me inclined to think that they're not malevolent… well, not yet anyway. I think we should proceed."

Kathryn nodded. "My thoughts exactly. And of course, if they have harnessed that sort of power for scanning, there's no telling what other technologies they may possess."

The doors to the turbo lift opened and they marched out onto the Bridge. Chakotay jogged down the stairs and sat down, activating the screen between the two command chairs.

Kathryn moved over to the Ops console and, with Harry, reviewed the information on the scan. She pointed to the unusual wave pattern. "There's something else here. Can you see that fluctuation there, Ensign? The one running parallel to the last part of the scan signature?"

"Yes, Captain. I'll see if I can isolate it." Kathryn watched as Harry analysed and isolated the unusual signature. "This is it, Captain."

It was a high pitched screech.

Kathryn grimaced, as did all of the Bridge crew.

Harry cut it off. "Sorry, Captain. It looks like a communications signal of some sort, but nothing comes up when I run it through the translation matrix."

"Slow it down and remodulate."

"Yes, Ma'am." He turned to her and grinned. "That worked."

The message was now understandable, running too fast at first, but Harry slowed it down further. _"Greetings visitors from distant stars. We welcome you to the Alarii home world and extend to you our wish to meet and exchange knowledge and good tidings. Please continue on your present course towards the fourth planet of the system. We look forward to our meeting. Safe journey, men and women of Voyager."_

Kathryn frowned. "How do they know the name of our ship?" She moved quickly to her chair and checked the information they had on the scan. She sat back. "I don't believe it. They downloaded our entire data base in that one flash." Kathryn looked up at Chakotay. "I hope they're as friendly as they seem because, if push comes to shove, I doubt we're a match for them."

Chakotay checked the information as well. "I still believe that if they wanted to harm us they would have already. We've run into enough, 'shoot first, ask questions later' aliens in the Delta Quadrant and I think we have to take this on face value. They seem friendly."

"I hope you're right." Kathryn muttered under her breath, and then spoke so everyone could hear. "Helm, stay on course for the planet. What's our ETA, Tom?"

"Just under fourteen hours, at warp seven."

"Mr Tuvok. I think it would be wise to run a few battle drills during that time, just to be on the safe side."

"Aye, Captain. I'll schedule one for each shift."

Kathryn acknowledged him with a nod and then turned to Chakotay. "Commander, we should put together a list of items that we need and an inventory of items that we're prepared to trade. If this does pan out, I want to be ready."

"Aye, Captain." Chakotay tapped at the console and brought up the stores lists and began sorting out what they could trade and what they needed.

"I'll be in my Ready room." Chakotay looked up at her briefly and as she stood, he caught her eyes for a split second. There was something deep within them that worried him. It was a sadness and a loneliness that made his heart ache for her. It was gone in a flash and she spun on her heel and escaped through the doors of her Ready room before he had a chance to even acknowledge the look. He stared at the closed doors for a long moment and then briefly caught Tuvok's concerned gaze before he put his head down and organised the trade lists.

* * *

"Voyager to the Alarii. This is Captain Kathryn Janeway. We are in synchronous orbit around your planet and would like permission to beam down and discuss trade with the relevant authorities."

The face of an elderly, kindly faced, humanoid appeared on the viewscreen. Kathryn turned to Harry and he shrugged. "I don't know where the transmission is coming from Captain."

The alien spoke. "Ahhh, Kathryn you are here at last. Welcome to Alarii, it is wonderful to see you and we are looking forward to finally meeting with you and your crew. My name is Denlen and I am what you would call an ambassador, although we do not bother with such trivialities as titles here. We have gathered all the items that you want and they are now in your Cargo bay."

Kathryn's head snapped around to Tuvok and he nodded. "Captain, several large containers have just materialised in the Cargo bay." He looked down at his console. "Scans reveal that they do indeed hold all the items we intended to request from the Alarii."

Turning back to the smiling alien, Kathryn returned a tentative smile. "Thank you, Denlen. Your generosity is greatly appreciated. I am a little mystified as to how you knew what we wanted. We had not forwarded our requests to you yet."

Denlen waved his hand in a dismissive manner. "We have been monitoring you since you entered this area of space. We know all there is to know about you and it was on the strength of your Federation's history and Voyager's adventures here in the Delta Quadrant that we allowed you to find our planet. We are explorers too, of sorts."

Kathryn looked towards Chakotay and he gave a slight shrug and then took a step closer to the screen. "How did you gain access to our computer, Denlen?"

Denlen smiled. "Chakotay, it's a pleasure to meet you. When you beam down I would like to discuss with you, your culture's beliefs in the afterlife and vision quests. I find it intriguing." Chakotay inclined his head. "Oh, excellent. But in answer to your question. Technologically we are vastly superior to you and your Federation, but that doesn't mean that we can't learn from you. Although we are a space faring race we have not travelled beyond our quadrant so the opportunity to learn of cultures and races from the other side of the galactic core was a temptation too wonderful to resist. I can understand your hesitance considering your experiences in this quadrant, but we would like you and Kathryn to come down to the planet so we can prove to you that our intentions are only those of friendship and mutual trust."

Chakotay looked towards Kathryn and she nodded her head. "We would very much like to meet you and your fellow Alariians, Denlen."

"Excellent. I'm sure you will enjoy your stay."

And with that Kathryn and Chakotay simply disappeared from the bridge.

In the blink of an eye they found themselves standing in the sunshine, in the middle of a beautiful courtyard.

A diminutive man came bustling towards them. "Kathryn, Chakotay, it is so wonderful to finally meet you in person. Let me see you. You are both so beautiful and so tall." Denlen was about a head shorter than Kathryn and only came up to the middle of Chakotay's chest. He was fine boned, with bright blue eyes, delicate features, and bald, except for a few tufts of grey hair behind his ears. As he walked around them, looking them up and down, he smiled. "Yes, very beautiful." He stood between them and took each of their hands in one his own.

At that moment Kathryn's combadge came to life.

. _"Voyager to Janeway."_

She tapped it. "Janeway here, Tuvok."

. _"Captain, are you all right. We have a transporter lock. We can beam you back."_

"No, Tuvok. We're in good hands." She cast a sidelong glance at Chakotay and he gave her a half smile in return. The small man in between them, seemed oblivious and smiled benignly. "We'll keep an open comm and notify you if there are any problems. Janeway out."

Denlen tugged at their hands. "This way, this way. Edela is very much looking forward to meeting you."

"May I ask who Edela is, Denlen?" Kathryn looked down at the Alariian.

"Yes, you may." He walked a few paces and then laughed. "Oh, you _were_ asking. I apologise. Edela is my niece but also the ruler of the Alariian home world, but as I said, we don't bother with titles here."

They had no choice but to go with the little man as he scuttled along paths through the garden beds. Kathryn looked around her. The courtyard was large, and very beautiful. It was surrounded by walls built of stone. On closer inspection, she realised that each stone was hand carved and decorated. It really was quite extraordinary. She could see several Alariians milling around in amongst the garden beds, they looked up and smiled at the guests, one even waved. For all their power they seemed, on the surface, to be a surprisingly benign society. She just hoped her initial impressions were correct.

The courtyard itself was filled with statues reminiscent of the Renaissance sculptors from Earth's history and the flora was a riot of colours and textures. All were harmoniously blended to make a restful but eye catching display.

Denlen ushered them through, what could only be described as cloisters, to a large, ornate wooden door. He let go of their hands at this point and placed Kathryn's hand in Chakotay's. He pulled open the doors and pushed them through the opening and into the room beyond.

Kathryn slid her hand from Chakotay's, giving him a wan smile just before a woman's voice called from the far end of the room. "There you are. At last. Come, come, you must see this."

A blonde woman beckoned them and they made their way towards her. "Edela? I am Kathryn Janeway and this is my First Officer, Commander Chakotay."

Edela turned and smiled, a little distractedly. "Hello, hello. There is no need for introductions, we are old friends. Come and look at this. It is an Erisis flower and it is about to bloom. It happens only once every three of your years and when it does, it is a sight to behold."

In an ornate pot on a table in front of them, amongst a small jungle of foliage, sat a large orange bud. Kathryn looked at it and at the same time, surreptitiously studied their host. Edela only came to Kathryn's shoulder and, like Denlen, appeared delicate and fragile. She was very relaxed and at ease and there seemed nothing intimidating or menacing about the petite woman's demeanour. With wavy blonde hair that tumbled down her back, large green eyes, pretty elfin-like features and an easy smile, she appeared almost child-like and Kathryn found herself relaxing in her presence. Edela took Kathryn's hand and pulled her close to her side. "Isn't it beautiful, Kathryn? Much like you."

Kathryn looked over at Chakotay and he gave her a small shrug and a smile.

"I know you think she is beautiful too, Chakotay. I hear it in your heart."

He frowned, and glanced again at Kathryn. She was also frowning.

Edela giggled. "I hear yours too, Kathryn. Two hearts that sing in harmony. What a gift. Oooo, look."

Still holding Kathryn's hand, Edela took Chakotay's hand and pulled them both close to the table. "Watch Kathryn. You too, Chakotay. This is something very special."

The three stood side by side, quietly watching the blossom as it swelled to almost double its size. As it did so it changed colour – from orange to yellow to pink to purple to red and then back to orange again. It was an extraordinary display. Edela squeezed their hands tight and Kathryn moved a little closer. All of a sudden, with a dull pop, the blossom burst open and showered them all with a cloud of rainbow coloured pollen.

Kathryn had no choice but to inhale the aromatic pollen. It smelled like vanilla and honey and her mother's caramel brownies all rolled into one delicious scent. Her eyes were drawn to Chakotay's and he stared at her through the fragrant haze. In an instant, it all became so clear. Just as Edela had said, Kathryn could hear his heart and her own. It was an extraordinary sensation. It felt almost as if they were the same person, and her mind was filled with thoughts and feelings that were familiar yet not her own, mingling and meshing with those that were. She could feel his surprise and delight as he experienced the same sensations, as if they were mirror images of each other. His gentle soul surrounded hers, keeping it from harm and, at the same time, her strength and fortitude bolstered his and kept him safe. There was love and understanding, desire and want, respect and regard, all intermingling and interweaving, making them both stronger and bolder and it was all held together by an abject sense of joy and the strength of their devotion to one another.

Kathryn felt all the anger and insecurities melt away and as they vanished, a wave of relief and love washed over her. Those feelings belonged to him. Kathryn looked up and smiled at Chakotay, but as she did so, the world started to tilt at an unsettling angle. Chakotay's eyes widened and he called her name or at least she thought he did. Kathryn tried to answer but her words and his voice sounded like they were coming from somewhere far away. Sounds echoed in her mind and she felt herself falling or was it floating. She wasn't sure. Nothing seemed real, but her senses were hyper alert. Flashes of colour and faces whipped past her mind's eye, some were familiar others were not. Slowly the lights and the colours began to fade and reaching out to Chakotay, she grasped his hand, and slid into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

Kathryn squeezed her eyes shut. Her head throbbed and it felt like it weighed forty pounds. Everything felt heavy, almost leaden. Lifting her hand she rubbed her eyes. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. Opening her eyes she blinked several times, trying to clear her vision. She remembered Edela, the flower, the sweet smelling pollen and that was all. She had no memory of anything after that. She was lying on soft comfortable bed, in a beautifully decorated room, so she surmised she couldn't be in too much danger.

With a sigh she rolled over and… yelped, leaping from the bed and landing in a heap on the floor. Pulling herself up a little, she peered over the edge of the bed, and blinked again. Her body was lying asleep on the opposite side of the bed and with a glance at her hands she let out another strangled cry. These weren't her hands, her arms. How could this be?

She looked down again. She was in a male body, and looking again at her hands, she turned them over and over. They looked very familiar. Staggering to her feet… well not her feet. Her feet were there, on the bed at the end of her legs, which were attached to her body and her head… she tried to take stock. What in God's name had happened?

There was a mirror on the wall and she moved tentatively towards it, but really didn't need to see her reflection to know whose body she was in. It was almost as familiar to her as her own. She'd certainly spent enough time studying it over the years when she thought he wasn't looking. Chakotay's worried dark eyes stared back at her.

She looked exactly like Chakotay. Kathryn raised her hand to her face and stroked over the bristles of his unshaven cheek, then down over his chest, and his stomach. She was wearing boxers and, turning to check that her body hadn't stirred, she quickly pulled the waistband of the boxers out to check that she was, in fact, all male. She was. Impressively so. She tried not to stare and let the elastic snap back into place, the slight sting bringing her back to the problem at hand.

Trying not to panic she decided that there had to be a simple explanation for this. Perhaps it was the atmosphere or maybe something happened during the alien transport… or that damn pollen.

There was a moan from the bed. Oh dear, this was going to be… Unfortunately there wasn't a word she could think of that quite fit the situation. Kathryn sighed and moved over to the side of the bed. She touched Chakotay/herself, gently on the shoulder.

"Chakotay?" Her voice was deep and resonant and sounded exactly like Chakotay. She'd expected to hear her intonations, but, instead, they were his. This was all so disconcerting.

He rolled over and stretched, and then his hand reached down to scratch his groin. What was it with men and that morning scratch? Kathryn, thought. He was in for surprise. And she was right. The hand stilled and his eyes snapped open. Kathryn waited, stepping back out of the way as Chakotay, in her body, leapt from the bed wearing only her bra and panties.

"Arrgh! What the… Kathryn…? What's happening? Is that you?" It was her voice.

Kathryn nodded and answered in his voice. "Yes, it's me, Chakotay. I don't know what's happened. I woke up a few minutes ago and…" She spread her arms wide.

Chakotay poked her in the chest. "That's mine."

Kathryn nodded towards his semi naked body. "And that's mine."

"I'll contact the ship. The Doctor will know what to do and how to fix this." He looked towards Kathryn. "Won't he?"

Kathryn sat with a thud on the side of the bed. "To be honest with you, Chakotay, I really don't know, but it has to have something to do with this planet. We need to find Edela or Denlen and see if they know anything before we contact anyone else. I really don't want anyone from the ship to see us while we're like this."

"Good point." Chakotay's eyes darted around the room. "Where are our clothes?"

Kathryn's broad shoulders shrugged. "I have no idea." She looked around the room. Their combadges were on the bedside table. That was a relief, but their uniforms were nowhere in sight.

Chakotay began searching the room. "Try in the bathroom. They might be in there. I'll look out here."

Kathryn walked into the bathroom. It was a strange sensation being in a body so much larger than what she was used to. The whole mechanism of moving was different. Her female body was lithe, light and agile, but Chakotay's body was heavier, stronger and she could feel the power of the increased musculature. It was quite invigorating.

Her eyes were drawn to the reflection in the bathroom mirror again. It was hard not to stare. She was now in the body that she'd fantasised about for years. Quickly looking behind her to make sure Chakotay wasn't watching, she ran her hand down her chest again and flexed her muscles, watching as they became more defined. She couldn't deny that it sent a small thrill through her. It was very sexy.

She smiled at her reflection. Damn! Those dimples. Did the man have any idea what they did to her? A thought, not hers, darted through her mind… yes, he did. He knew that she loved his smile and he used it to distract and divert her but also to show her how much he cared. Closing her eyes, she concentrated on isolating Chakotay's thoughts. They were all there – all neatly partitioned somewhere in the back of her mind. There was his off beat, sometimes bizarre sense of humour, his deep sense of spirituality, his anger over his family's murder and his homeworld's destruction. Both of those memories sat like festering wounds in the back of his mind, constantly there, always threatening to overwhelm him. But he controlled them with thoughts of … Kathryn… of her.

Opening her eyes, she looked behind her again. There was the clatter and thump of drawers opening and closing in the other room as he searched and so Kathryn turned back to the mirror and peered into the dark eyes before her. What other secrets did they hold?

"Kathryn, have you found anything?"

Jolting into action and hoping that he hadn't caught her ogling his body, she had a quick look in the cabinets in the bathroom, but they were empty. She wandered out into the bedroom in something of a daze.

Chakotay looked at her through her own worried eyes. "What's wrong? Are you all right?"

He moved right up to her and placed his hand in the middle of her chest. It was an eerily familiar gesture and he looked up into Kathryn's eyes as his hand slid down her front. "Sorry. I guess that must be hard wired."

Kathryn shook her head. "It's not the only thing. I have your thoughts as well as my own." She tapped the side of her head. "We're both in here."

Chakotay took a step back. "You can read my mind?"

Kathryn chuckled. "No, but all your thoughts up until the point when we swapped bodies, are all there." She leant forward and looked into his eyes. "Are my memories and thoughts in there too? Can you feel me?"

Closing his eyes, Chakotay searched and it didn't take him long to find her. He was swamped by feelings of sadness, guilt and regret, and when he opened his eyes, he had to blink back the tears. There was anger there too, but most of it was self-directed and tinged with fear. Fear, not for herself, but for her crew and the terrifying prospect that she wouldn't be able to fulfill her promise and get them all home. Chakotay stared at her through new eyes and the words from yesterday's argument came back to him. 'Walk a mile in my shoes, Chakotay.' Well, he was and it wasn't an easy journey. There were other deep-seated sorrows that he couldn't quite grasp, but through all the guilt and sorrow there was the bright shining light of intellect and courage. The essence of Kathryn.

He was there too. Thoughts of him pulsed with a warm light of love and the more heated light of want. He'd always wondered and he smiled at the knowledge.

"Kathryn, you're here too."

She nodded. "I thought so."

They stood and stared at each other for several heartbeats and then Kathryn shook herself. "This is insane. We've got to find Denlen or someone and do something about this. Did you find our clothes?"

"No, but there are these." Chakotay handed Kathryn a set of light weight coveralls. They were a simple design that one stepped into and fastened at the front. They both hesitated for a moment. There was no real reason for modesty. Each of them was intimately acquainted with the body the other inhabited, it was the concept of them seeing themselves naked that was the very large fly in the ointment. Arrrgh… Kathryn didn't even want to think about it.

Chakotay stared at her. It was so disconcerting looking across a room and into her eyes and knowing, almost instinctively, what was going on behind them.

His mouth quirked at the corner. "Have you looked?"

Kathryn gave an indignant huff. "Of course not. And I'd appreciate it if you would close your eyes as you undressed, please."

Just the thought of Chakotay looking at her body and perhaps fondling it and touching it sent a barrage of erotic but rather addled messages to her brain and other parts of her body…. Or rather his body. Damn this was so confusing.

He was still looking at her with that half smile and then whispered huskily. "Liar."

Kathryn put on her best indignant scowl. "I beg your pardon."

"You looked. I can tell. I know you Kathryn…. I now know you very well. You wouldn't have been able to help yourself."

"And you can?"

"I never said that."

"You looked!?"

"Hey, I'm not a fool. Of course I looked. I had to make sure that I was all you and not just a mish mash of bits and pieces. Don't look so shocked. I bet it was the first thing you did. Go on, fess up."

"I…" Damn this was awkward. "I may have peeked. But only in the name of science."

Chakotay laughed out loud at that… with her laugh. She was finding it very difficult to see the funny side of this situation. What happened if it was permanent? What of her command? What would happen when they got home? Could she even contemplate living the rest of her life as a man? Fear gripped her and she looked at Chakotay.

He frowned. "Hey, don't panic. I'm sure we'll find a way out of this. Let's get dressed. First things first and then we'll sort out what we do. Do you want to use the bathroom first?"

Kathryn shook her head. "No you go first…" Then she changed her mind. "No! No, I'll go first." She just realised that he'd have to use the john and … oh God. She turned towards the bathroom. Best to get this over with. "I won't be long." She cringed when she realised what she'd said and waited for the smart comeback. He must have thought better of it, but she couldn't help herself and turned to look at him. He was trying, quite unsuccessfully, to stifle a grin. Damn him.

Kathryn pulled her shoulders back and strode with a very familiar swagger, into the bathroom. She slammed the door.

All right, it wasn't the end of the world and it wasn't as if it was the first penis she'd ever seen. She strolled over to the amenities. Fortunately, they were not all that dissimilar to the ones on Voyager, only smaller. The Alariians were only about two thirds of the size of humans so it stood to reason that the bathroom fixtures would mirror that, so to speak. Her exploration of the bathroom over, she stood in front of the head. With a deep breath she dealt with her ablutions. It wasn't as difficult as she'd thought it would be and now knew, for sure, that men's plumbing was much easier to deal with than women's. Chakotay was in for a rude awakening. Why didn't she find any solace in that thought? Damn.

Kathryn washed her face and rubbed her hand over her whiskers. She hunted through the cupboards, but could find nothing that resembled a razor or shaver, so she would just have to go without. She stared at the face in the mirror. Chakotay looked pretty damn good with a five o'clock shadow. Sort of rough and ready, and damned sexy… There was a sharp knock at the door and Kathryn jumped.

"Are you still alive in there? Hurry up. Some of us need to use the …"

"Okay, okay, I'm coming."

Kathryn hauled on the cover all and opened the bathroom door. Chakotay slipped past her and hurried towards the toilet. Kathryn held her breath and then couldn't help herself. "Just remember to sit down, won't you."

Damn, Chakotay's oddball sense of humour was affecting her. It had to be.

She closed the door and heard a muffled curse and then some more clattering and banging. Things obviously weren't going as well as expected. Kathryn huffed out a breath and sat on the edge of the bed again. How was she ever going to explain this in her logs?

There was a chirp from a combadge and Kathryn grabbed it, activating it at the same time. "Ja…Chakotay here."

_"Commander, you and the Captain have been out of communicator range for almost two hours. Are you all right?"_

All right? Hardly, but for the moment she didn't want anyone to know about this. "Yes, Tuvok. We're fine the… Captain and I were being shown some caves and catacombs. It must have interfered with our comm signal. We're fine though. We'll contact you when we're ready to beam back."

_"Very well, Commander. Tuvok out."_

Finally the bathroom door opened and Chakotay ventured forth. Kathryn looked at him closely. Was he blushing? "What did you do?"

"Nothing. I just didn't realise how different the mechanics were. But it's all okay. Really. I haven't broken anything."

Kathryn did a double take and tried not to think what that might mean. "I damn well hope not. Are you ready to go and find some help?"

He nodded and together they stepped out into the corridor.

"Which way?" They looked up and down the corridor. It seemed identical in both directions.

The both spoke simultaneously but pointed in opposite directions. "This way." Kathryn rolled her eyes and Chakotay shrugged.

"You're the captain… although, possession is nine tenths of the law. Hey, maybe this is my big chance?"

"A mutiny… oh very nice, Commander. That will really help the situation." She couldn't believe him.

"Hey, Kathryn, I'm only joking."

"Do I look amused?"

"Well, no, but perhaps you should try to see the funny side of this."

"The funny side? There is no funny side. This could very well be a disaster. What if this is permanent? Had you thought of that? Living the rest of your life in that body and me in this one?"

Chakotay looked chastened.

"See, you hadn't had you? I want my body back, Chakotay, and I want it back now."

"All right, all right. I'm sorry. We'll go your way. The corridors all probably lead to the same place anyway. Come on."

Together they set off in search of some answers.

They passed room after empty room. State rooms, banquet halls, libraries, bedrooms but they saw no one. They finally found their way back to the courtyard and began searching for a familiar landmark. They eventually found the large wooden doors and hall where they'd first met Edela. The flower was still there, sitting innocently in its pot. Kathryn wished she had her tricorder with her so she could at least analyse the pollen and see if it was in any way responsible for their dilemma.

There was the sound of a door being opened and closed, and both Kathryn and Chakotay looked towards the sound.

"Edela?"

"Good afternoon, Kathryn and Chakotay. I trust that you slept well."

Kathryn spoke. "We slept very well, but we woke with an unusual and somewhat disturbing problem." How did one go about explaining this?

Chakotay took over when Kathryn hesitated. "Edela, we seem to have swapped bodies. I am Chakotay trapped in this body and that is Captain Janeway trapped in my body. Do you know what happened?"

Edela looked perplexed. "We only did as you asked?"

Kathryn spoke up again. "We didn't ask for this, Edela. We would never ask for anything like this." She did look towards Chakotay though, just in case. He shook his head and glared at her. Kathryn looked again. So that was what her 'death glare' looked like. She'd heard talk of it from the lower decks and they were right. It was damned intimidating. She turned back to Edela.

"But you did ask for it, Kathryn. You told Chakotay that he should 'walk a mile in your shoes' and it was also Chakotay's desire for you to see things from his perspective. We only did as you asked."

Kathryn and Chakotay stared dumbfounded at one another. Their argument. They'd been in the middle of it when the ship was scanned.

Kathryn took a deep breath. "Edela, those words were said in the heat of the moment, we didn't for one moment intend for it to become a reality. It was simply a turn of phrase. We don't want to be each other and I insist that you to change us back?"

Edela studied Kathryn for a minute. Her pretty green eyes seemed to look past the surface and delve deep. Kathryn shifted uncomfortably. Suddenly Edela stood up straight. "No. It is your destiny to live each other's lives for as long as it takes. I cannot change you back, only you can, when the time is right."

Kathryn opened her mouth to protest, but Chakotay stepped forward and grabbed her arm. "Edela, what do you mean, 'for as long as it takes'. Is there some way that we can end this? Some task we can perform?"

Edela smiled. "It is not a challenge Chakotay. It just is."

Kathryn shoved past Chakotay, her temper rising. "Edela, we cannot possibly stay like this. We have our own lives to lead, I'm a Starship captain and Chakotay is my First Officer, we cannot remain like this. Our ship needs us…and our crew."

The pixie faced ruler of this strange but beautiful planet stepped up to Kathryn and indicated with her hand that she should bend down. Kathryn bent close to the young woman. "You need to do this, Kathryn. You, more than anything. This is for your survival and for his. Try to see this for the gift that it is. Rarely does one have the opportunity to truly experience the feelings and emotions of another. Especially one whose heart is a reflection of your own. Nothing can give you such a depth of understanding as living their life and seeing yourself through their eyes. As you said Kathryn, 'to walk a mile in their shoes'."

"Edela, I demand…"

"Kathryn, here you can demand nothing. You are our guest and as such will be treated with the utmost respect and tolerance. Please take the time to discover each other. This is a rare gift. Go. I think that you will find that in getting to know Chakotay, you may just find yourself."

The small woman turned and left. Kathryn took a step forward to pursue her, but again, Chakotay grabbed her arm and held her back. She shook him off violently and Chakotay stumbled back. "Hey, Kathryn, be careful. You don't want your body back with dents in it."

"We have to follow her."

"No, we don't. She's explained what we have to do…"

Kathryn threw her arms up in anger. "You do what you want, Chakotay. I'm going to find someone who can help us.'

He rolled his eyes but followed her. He knew what she was like and there was bound to be trouble. No one said 'no' to Kathryn Janeway and got away with it….

Chakotay followed Kathryn but found it difficult to keep up. No wonder she'd developed the Janeway stride. Her legs weren't as long as they looked. He'd remember that in future and slow his pace.

They spent another fruitless hour searching the rooms and corridors of the palace. They met several Alariians, but none were able to help them. They would all smile and greet them courteously but when asked about what had happened to them, they would 'tsk tsk' and move on, going about their business. They at least had their combadges and although Tuvok had seemed curious as why they did not wish to be beamed back to the ship, they had managed to maintain the charade for his benefit.

Chakotay was studying some of the art works and intricately made furniture in one of the ante rooms they'd just found. Whoever these Alariians were, they were artists first and foremost. The architecture, the décor and the whole ambience of the place exuded a love of beauty and art. Just that knowledge alone made him feel that he and Kathryn weren't in any danger but he knew his nebulous feelings about the Alariians were not going to appease her. He turned to speak to her, only to see her disappear out the doorway. His shoulders slumped and he took off after her.

"Kathryn?" She was striding up yet another corridor, not really paying any attention to him. He tried again. "Kathryn!"

She stopped and turned. A frown furrowing her brow and obscuring the familiar tattoo. "What!?"

"Can you just stop and take a moment. I don't think you're going to find anything down here either. Tearing around the place like this isn't really accomplishing anything."

"And what would you have us do, Chakotay. Just sit around and hope that this fixes itself?"

He shrugged. "That seemed to be the advice from Edela." Kathryn opened her mouth to say something but Chakotay cut her off. "Look, we're both tired and hungry. We haven't eaten anything since this morning and if you were paying attention to my body, you'd probably find that you're hungry. It's not used to going without food like your body is. How about we find something to eat and drink and then regroup. Nothing will be accomplished if we both keel over from lack of food."

Kathryn huffed out a long breath. "All right. I am hungry." She knitted her brow for a moment and then looked at him in surprise. "In fact I'm starving." She nodded back down the corridor. "I think I smelled food down that way, shall we investigate?"

Chakotay smiled. "Lead the way."

Kathryn turned and strode down the corridor, heading back the way they'd come and with a shake of his head, Chakotay followed, again jogging to keep up. "Hey, slow down a bit. I didn't realise you had such short legs. How do you manage to get anywhere fast?"

Kathryn barked over her shoulder. "Enough, Chakotay. I can do without the snide remarks. This is awkward enough."

"Hey, I'm only half joking. I really am having trouble keeping up."

The broad shoulders sagged a bit and Kathryn stopped and turned. "Okay, I'll slow down, but I don't understand how you can be so calm about this?"

He looked into familiar brown eyes and saw the edge of fear behind them that was Kathryn. "Can't you? Perhaps you should look a bit deeper into my mind and find that part of me that accepts the changes that life brings. It might help."

"I don't want to. I'm having enough trouble maintaining my individuality as it is, I don't want to start taking more of you on board. Doesn't this worry you in the slightest?"

Chakotay shrugged his slim shoulders. "Yes, but not as much as is worries you and at the moment there is nothing we can do about it, so worrying is a waste of energy."

Kathryn stared at him for a moment and then shook her head, not even deigning to reply to that remark. Turning away, she started walking again, muttering to herself. "Damn you. It's just like New Earth…." And with mention of their two month idyll on that far away planet, a great avalanche of his thoughts and feelings surged through Kathryn's mind. She had to stand still to cope with the barrage of emotions the memories evoked.

New Earth – that lush paradise where he'd fallen in love with her and… it appeared that he truly did love her. For the first time she saw herself through his eyes…. She had no idea. A pang of sadness hit her. Where had that laughing, shining eyed woman gone? Memories of her, one after the other, tumbled through her mind. There was his admiration for her and then his trepidation when she'd told him to call her Kathryn and his concern that the barriers between Commander and Captain were being eroded as his attraction to her spilled over into something more. But his concern was tempered by his delight when he saw the light of attraction in her eyes, shining back at him.

There was the day he'd shown her the bath tub. Her genuine gratitude and heartfelt thanks had touched his heart. He'd treasured the moment when she'd kissed his cheek in thanks.

There was the stab of fear he'd felt when she'd called him from her bathtub the night they'd first encountered the monkey and then the moment that the fear had morphed into a surge of want with the realisation that she was standing in front of him in nothing but her towel. He'd been ashamed of himself at the time, but his desire for her was something he'd fought hard to control and he still did. That thought sent a corresponding surge of want through her and she was hard pressed to tamp it down. The memories kept coming.

There was the terror he'd felt when he couldn't find her in the storm and his relief and the almost primal urge to protect her as they'd taken shelter under the table in their cabin. His delight when she'd finally said that life wasn't so bad in their little paradise and then the gentle surge of arousal he'd felt as he'd massaged her neck. There had been nothing sordid about it, just a desire borne out of a deep love and respect.

And then there had been the tale of the angry warrior, his way of telling her of his feelings without forcing her to reveal her own. In his thoughts, at all times was an awareness and concern for her comfort and her position. Kathryn had been aware of the depth of his feelings at the time, and also of her own.

For some reason she'd always thought that he was upset or disappointed that she wouldn't reveal her feelings but she now knew that he understood. He knew how she felt but was aware of the constraints and respected them, and her, for adhering to them. All these years she'd been fighting what she'd assumed was pressure from him to acknowledge what was between them, but it wasn't necessary. He knew, he accepted and was content to be her best friend, her confidant, and the best first officer he could be. He had been true to his word. He had shared her burdens and stood by her side for all these years and had asked for very little in return. She wanted to cry.

Kathryn was jolted back to the here and now, with a gentle touch on her arm and the disconcerting sound of her own concerned voice. "Kathryn, are you all right?"

Turning slowly she meet concerned blue eyes and huffed out a laugh. "Yes, I am. For the first time in a long time, I'm fine. In fact, more than fine. I'm wonderful." She leaned down and kissed his cheek. "Thank you."

He looked at her with a puzzled frown. "Sure, anytime. Mind you, I have no idea what I did, but I'm glad it helped, whatever it was."

Kathryn just stood there, looking at him. The man she loved. Standing there in her body, but she knew it was still Chakotay behind the veil of her eyes. As much as she wanted to tell him of her revelation, now was not the time or the place. So instead she crooked her elbow. "Let's get some lunch, I'm ravenous." and with a questioning frown, Chakotay slid his arm through hers, and together they strolled towards the kitchen.

Chakotay walked by Kathryn's side, every so often glancing at her, or rather, his profile, trying to glean something of her state of mind from the familiar features. It was difficult, but something had obviously changed, he just didn't know what. After a few minutes, he mentally shrugged. Presumably, she would tell him in time and for now he was just going to be grateful that things were looking better. For both of them.

They heard the patter of feet and turned to find Denlen scurrying up behind them. "There you are, I've been looking everywhere for you. You must be hungry. I've arranged a meal for you on the balcony of your room. Follow me."

Kathryn smiled at the little man. "Thank you, Denlen. We were just looking for something to eat."

"Oh, good, good, this way then." He led them to the vine covered balcony that was attached to their room and in the shade of a fragrant flowering vine, they ate their meal.

Chakotay was tempted to ask Kathryn about her change in attitude, but on past experience he didn't want to provoke an argument, so, except for a few passing comments on the nice weather and the tasty food, they ate in silence. Once they were finished, Kathryn sat back and placed her hand over her stomach. "That was delicious, but I don't remember ever eating quite so much in my life. I'm surprised you're not the size of a shuttle."

He smiled. "Well, after my three mouthfuls, I'm full, and I don't know how you manage to survive on so little."

Kathryn shrugged. "I was never a big eater. Besides, there was always coffee to keep me going."

Chakotay frowned. "Please don't mention coffee. I could kill for one right about now. I think my, or rather your, body is suffering from withdrawals. You really should cut down on the caffeine, Kathryn. My heart is thudding twenty to the dozen." And with that he laid his hand over his heart and only when he saw Kathryn's eyes widen did he realise that he had his hand on his, or rather her, breast. The ownership issue was very confusing.

The colour rose in both their faces and Kathryn turned away quickly but then turned back again, slowly and whispered. "Does that feel good?"

Chakotay wasn't exactly sure what he should say. Of course, it felt good, it felt fantastic. He'd always loved breasts. What man didn't? He'd fantasised about hers, which she probably knew. Their weight as he cupped them in his hand, the softness of the heavy flesh and the contrast of the hard point of an aroused nipple… they were one of the delights of the female form. But unsure of where Kathryn was going with her question, he slid his hand away and nodded, noncommittally. Kathryn was still staring at him and then her eyes dropped again to his chest, he followed her gaze and noticed the points of his hardened nipples pushing against the confines of the light coverall. He felt a blush creeping up his neck. His reactions were impossible to control.

Kathryn just smiled at him. It was his smile, but it was a broad, happy smile that was coming from Kathryn and he was so pleased to see it. He tilted his head on the side and studied her face. There was an openness and look of joy behind her eyes, the sadness and anger that had been seething there for so long seemed to have dissipated. He had to ask. "Kathryn, what has happened? You're different all of a sudden."

Leaning forward she looked deeply into his eyes. "I got to know you better and I'm not afraid anymore."

He stared at her in horror. "You were afraid of me? Kathryn…?"

She shook her head. "Oh, god no. Not of you. Just your feelings… and mine, but I know I don't have to fear them anymore." She reached across and stroked his cheek. "I saw New Earth, or rather your memories of New Earth. I'd forgotten. Thank you for reminding me."

He smiled. "My pleasure."

She leaned a little closer. "That's something we need to discuss too."

"Kathryn?"

"As much as I didn't want to admit it, and fought against it, this has been an extraordinary experience. Edela told me that this was a gift and I've realised that it truly is. A precious gift. She said that this was for my survival and for yours and she was right. We have something truly unique, Chakotay. The feelings we have for one another are deep, profound and very real."

Kathryn stood up and held out her hand. Chakotay slid his small hand into hers and let her pull him to his feet and without another word she led him through the doors into their bedroom.

They both stood staring at one another for several heartbeats. Their combined thoughts of love and need made these final steps a simple matter of expediency. There was no reason not to take this step. There were no risks. They each knew how the other felt and the depth and sincerity of those feelings were not in doubt. Kathryn reached over and undid the clasps of Chakotay's coverall, tugging it over his shoulders and letting it pool at his feet. She pulled hers off in one motion and stepped out of the crumpled clothing on the floor.

Kathryn's large hand reached out and touched Chakotay's cheek, her fingers drifting to that place behind his ear that would send shivers down his spine. She watched him tremble and looked down to see her, or rather his, nipples harden. It was an intriguing sensation. Kathryn knew exactly how it would feel and also exactly where to touch the body in front of her to evoke the most erotic of responses. Every erogenous zone on that body was mapped out in her mind. Her finger ran down Chakotay's chest and flicked over his nipple. He sucked in a breath and Kathryn stared into two very familiar blue eyes, heavy lidded with desire.

There was a growing warmth in her groin and she looked down to see her burgeoning erection. It was all so different, but still so familiar. Her attraction to Chakotay, although he was in her body, was still very strong.

Chakotay stared at her. "Kathryn? Is this a good idea?"

She almost laughed. Obviously the misgivings she felt about breaking protocols and embarking on a relationship were affecting him. But all she felt was a desire so powerful that it was palpable and almost impossible to control. On a clinical level, she could appreciate the difference that testosterone made to her sex drive. The throb of want had a primal edge to it and the physical need to overpower the small body before her and take what she wanted, was compelling.

Chakotay put his hand on her chest. It seared into her skin and the sight of that pale hand on the golden skin made her shudder with desire.

"Kathryn, I think you need to think about this. It's a big step and circumstances are hardly normal at the moment. I don't want you to regret this."

Kathryn took a small step away. Chakotay was probably right, but the urge was still powerfully strong. She took several deep breaths, trying to gain some control and then looked down at her tented shorts. Her hand automatically moved down and grasped the hardened shaft. Her head dropped back momentarily as she stroked herself through the silky fabric of her boxers. Then through slitted eyes she stared at Chakotay. "This feels so good. I don't know if I can stop. How do you control yourself?"

Chakotay almost laughed. If only she knew how difficult it was sometimes and then he met her eyes. She did know. He shook his head. All his deepest secrets were being revealed and he felt exposed. Kathryn, in his body, with easy access to his thoughts, was standing before him her hand sliding up and down her erection. Did she know how often she fuelled his fantasies, how often he cried her name in release as he pumped into his own hand? The thought made him cringe with shame but then he realised he was standing before her with his nipples burning within the confines of her bra and an intense feeling of warmth and wetness pulsing between his legs and her thoughts were just as accessible and revealing.

The fantasies she had about him were elaborate and complex, and they flashed through his mind like an erotic slide show. There were visions of him grabbing her and kissing her in the middle of the Bridge, taking her over her desk in her Ready room, and pushing her up against the bulk head in her quarters. There were quieter moments too, of just being held in the dark or dancing slowly to unheard music as their hands stroked and touched.

The throb in Chakotay's groin intensified. It wasn't entirely dissimilar to what he usually felt, but it was deeper, more subtle and accompanied by a flutter in his belly that danced between pleasure and pain. As he watched Kathryn, in his body, stroking herself, he surrendered. "Oh Spirits, I can't stand it any longer."

Reaching behind his back, he undid the bra, letting it slide down his arms and drop to the floor. He looked down at Kathryn's breasts and cupped them in his slender hands. He closed his eyes and felt the weight of them in his hands, the hard peaks of the nipples scraping against his palms. He pinched them hard and shards of pleasure, like bolts of lightening, speared through his body and sparked in his groin. One hand continued to toy with his nipples and breasts as the other hand drifted down his front and under the elastic of his panties. He cupped his groin. It was unfamiliar, but he instinctively knew exactly where to touch, how hard and how fast. He groaned.

Kathryn pushed her boxers down and stood still. Her hand drifted up to Chakotay's cheek again. "Chakotay?"

He opened his eyes. "Hmmm?"

"The bed?"

He nodded and turned. Kathryn came up behind him and pressed against his back. Her erection tucked into the cleft of his buttocks and he pushed back against her, rocking from side to side. Kathryn's hand moved over Chakotay's front, down between his breasts and into his panties. Damn, it felt good.

She tugged them off, tearing the sheer fabric with no effort and then cupped his sex, with her finger pressing firmly against his hardened clit.

Kathryn felt the need to possess that small body and she spun Chakotay around and slammed her lips to his. Chakotay clambered up her larger frame and grabbed hold of handfuls of her hair, pulling her hard against him. They tumbled onto the bed in a tangle of limbs. Chakotay pulled away first and gasped. "Oh God, that feels so good."

Kathryn's hand was moving through the moistness between his thighs. Her fingers dipped into the opening and her thumb rubbing deliciously over his clitoris in a rhythm that, after years of self gratification, was all but second nature.

Kathryn whispered into his ear. "Touch me. Show me how you like to be touched."

He needed no encouragement. This was a unique experience. Being able to make love to yourself and to know exactly where to touch, how to touch and the places you knew would send you mindlessly into oblivion, and doing this while giving pleasure to another. It was an extraordinary and highly erotic experience.

Chakotay's small hand reached down and grasped the hard shaft and with a surprisingly tight grip, he began to pump in short sharp movements. His finger rubbed between her testicles and pressed hard into the spot behind them. Kathryn moaned and thrust her lower body towards him, as his small body undulated against the firmer more muscled body that Kathryn inhabited. The delicate skin of his cheek rasped against the rough unshaven skin of her cheek. It felt earthy and real and Kathryn's fantasies of making love to him and having him graze his whiskered face across her nipples sent a surge of lust deep into his belly.

Chakotay lay beside her, stroking her as she pushed her thick fingers deep inside him, he could feel the throb intensify and the ache begin to spread. His orgasm was fast approaching.

"Kathryn, I'm going to come."

She rolled him under her, pulling her fingers from his depths and hovered over him. "I need to be inside you and I know that my body wants this. Are you ready?"

Chakotay's hand drifted down and felt the heat and moisture dripping from the folds between his thighs…. They quivered at his touch and he arched up against her. The feelings were new but well worn, familiar but untried. They stared into each others eyes for a long moment, the intensity leaving them both almost breathless.

Kathryn held her erection in her hand and played the tip up and down his folds, just how she liked it, flicking over his clit with each pass. Chakotay pressed up against her, surprised at the eroticism of being taunted and teased. He dug his fingernails into her shoulders, knowing how he enjoyed the sharp bite of nails in his flesh. Kathryn groaned and her eyes sparked with fire. She knew what he liked and smiled down at him.

Chakotay pulled his legs wide and smiled up at Kathryn. "Be gentle."

Kathryn's eyes glittered with laughter, but she was fuelled by desire and with one firm thrust, she plunged deep and stilled. Her arms wrapped around his small body, enveloping him within her larger frame and she groaned into his neck as Chakotay wrapped his legs around her hips.

Chakotay instinctively gripped with his inner muscles and felt the press and fullness against his insides. The weight of the large body on top of him was erotic and welcome, but as the fluttering began he also felt the sensation of being surrounded by the soft clench of her inner muscles. His mind was, in the same instant, his and hers. They were joined in the purest sense, their minds moving together as freely as their bodies. With his eyes closed he concentrated on the sensations and textures. As his hands stroked over her body, quivers and thrills ran through him as he touched those places that he knew would illicit deep moans of desire.

They moved as one, thrusting and counter thrusting, the heat and friction building. Kathryn felt the bite of nails scouring her back and clenched her buttocks as she pounded into the small body below her. He would be gentler, but she knew that the body she was thrusting into, although small and seemingly fragile, was strong and thrilled in the show of power and the eroticism of coiled strength.

Chakotay closed his eyes and his back arched. The rub of flesh on flesh was sensuous beyond belief and with each thrust there was a pressing grind and he was stimulated by the harsh rub of pubis against pubis. Their lower bodies slapped together and as his breasts jolted with each strong thrust, his nipples burned like fire against the sparse hairs on her broad chest.

The sensations were exquisite and for a moment, it was as if their consciousnesses were mingling, moving back and forth between them. Kathryn's focus was centred in her groin, enveloped by moist heat and pressure, the ripple of velvet muscles playing along her length and then there was also the sensation of fullness and warmth. First one sensation and then the other, back and forth until she was unsure of who, or where she was.

Kathryn groaned, and Chakotay knew that she is about to come. Kathryn sensed it too but wanted them to come together. Her hand drifted down to where they were joined and she pinched his rigid nub firmly between her fingers and as her groin tightened, she felt him tip over the edge.

Chakotay was lost. The power of the clenching muscles took him by surprise and he cried out. His abdomen was rigid and the pulsing deep in his belly, left him gasping. He felt her swell within him and it took only two powerful thrusts before Kathryn bellowed, her back taut, her lower body pressed hard into him as she climaxed. Chakotay could feel the pulsing of both his muscles and hers. The sensations intertwined as juices mingled and their thoughts weaved and dipped around each other.

Slowly, their muscles relaxed and Kathryn lowered her face to his and they kissed. A deep binding kiss. A kiss that was a promise and an affirmation. During this blissful interlude they became one being, their hearts and minds open to each other and their bodies meshed together in love. Tongues touched and delved and with a final rush of joy and love Kathryn felt herself shift back into her own body. Her lips pressed hard against his and Chakotay held her tight to him. She whispered sighs of love and Chakotay mumbled soft endearments until they drifted into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

Unsure of what had woken her, Kathryn blinked into the light and rubbed her eyes. Squirming into the soft bedding, she tried to recapture the last few moments of blissful half sleep, but her eyes opened as the memories of their afternoon interlude came rushing back. Rolling over, she found him there beside her. The crescent shaped marks on his shoulders were as plain as day and she knew that it hadn't been a dream. She should have been shocked. She should have been horrified, but instead she smiled. All she could think of was how she was going to word this in her logs. Maybe this would be one away mission that would remain undocumented. And then another thought ploughed through her mind, casting all other thoughts aside. She wanted to make love again.

Her hand drifted over and brushed the hair from his forehead. His eyes opened slowly and he smiled. "Hello."

"Hello." Kathryn propped her head on her hand and studied him. "Interesting afternoon."

"Is that a question?"

Kathryn shook her head slightly. "Not really. More of an observation." Her fingers touched the scratches on his shoulder. "We'll have to fix those."

Chakotay shook his head. "No. Leave them. I kind of like them." He turned awkwardly to see them. "A reminder."

Kathryn's smile broadened. "I don't think I'll need a reminder. I'm going to have trouble thinking of anything else for a long time."

His large hand cupped the side of her face and he looked at her with eyes filled with love and deep concern. "I won't ever forget."

Her smile faded and she frowned. "You sound as if we're never going to do this again."

"These were extraordinary circumstances, Kathryn. I just assumed…"

A bite of anger rose, but she pushed it away. She knew he was only voicing these concerns out of love and he'd been exposed to her thoughts so he knew of her fears and insecurities. In fact, he now knew everything about her. It was a little daunting in some ways but also freeing. Instead of speaking, she moved closer and kissed his lips gently. "I'm sorry."

Chakotay frowned. "You don't want to make love again?"

Kathryn nodded her head. "Oh yes, I want to make love again. I'm just apologising for all that I've put you, and the crew, through over the last few months. I had no right and I'm sorry."

He stared at her for a long moment before he sat up and pulled her into his arms, thinking of all the hurt and pain she'd carried with her for so long. "Don't. It's me who should be apologising. I had no idea, Kathryn."

She shrugged. "You weren't supposed to and if I had been less stubborn and allowed you to help me, we wouldn't have got into the mess we were in."

He smiled. "Let's not argue about it, huh? I've got to know you a whole lot better, and I'll never regret that. Being _you_ was a uniquely enlightening experience." Looking down at her, he winked. "And I promise not to tell Ensign Mulcahy that you think he has a cute butt."

Kathryn stared at him wide-eyed and then launched herself at him. "You!!!"

They wrestled for a few minutes until Chakotay had her under him with her hands held tight over her head. Breathing heavily, she smiled up at him and then raised her brow. "And I won't mention to Ensign Farley that you have lascivious thoughts about her legs."

Chakotay ground himself against her and shook his head. "The only person I have lascivious thoughts about are the Captain, but Trisha Farley certainly has legs."

Kathryn wriggled under him. "Do you really think it's appropriate to be talking about someone else's legs when you are lying naked on top of your Captain?"

"Probably not, although I have a catalogue of inappropriate things I'd like to do to my naked Captain."

Grinning up at him, Kathryn pressed her lower body against his. "Your catalogue or mine?"

Chakotay matched her smile. "Is there a difference?"

Her head tilted to the side and she contemplated the man above her. "You know what, I don't think there is." Pulling one hand free, she stroked the side of his face, her fingers drifting over to trace the lines of his tattoo and then down to his cheek. Her fingernails scraped over the bristles of his cheek until she reached his lips. He captured her finger between his lips, sucking the tip and toying with it with his tongue. Kathryn's breath caught and closing her eyes, she whispered quietly. "No difference at all."

Chakotay let go of her finger and kissed her deeply.

As her mouth moved against his, Kathryn's hands stroked over his back, her fingers kneading the flesh of his shoulders and trailing along his spine.

He pulled away from her and began kissing down her neck, towards her breasts. Kathryn arched towards him and groaned as he rasped his cheek over her nipples, the sharp bristles making them pucker to hard points. A smile lit her face as she lived her fantasy.

He kissed his way down her front and pushed her legs wide. Closing his eyes and remembering, he pressed his thumb hard against her clit as he pressed two fingers deep inside her. Kathryn gasped and writhed against his hand. He kept up a steady rhythm as his tongue flicked over her clit, tasting her. He kissed his way up her body again.

As he became level with her again, Kathryn reached down between them and stilled his hand, muttering. "Too good, it feels too good." And then looked at him through half lidded eyes. "You're a quick study, Commander."

He leant down and nipped at her breasts then smiled up at her. "I know how exacting my Captain can be and I'd hate to disappoint."

She sank her teeth into his shoulder, hard enough to leave a mark, but not hard enough to break the skin. He gasped and Kathryn smiled. "That would never happen. Ever."

Kathryn slithered down his body, marking her path with small nips and kisses until she was level with his erection. It lay before her, thick and heavy and she grasped it firmly in her hand. Remembering the sensations, she pumped hard with her finger sliding between his testicles and pressing behind them. Chakotay threw his arms wide and lay there, completely at her mercy. She slid her mouth over the head as she pumped, her body throbbing with desire as she tasted him for the first time. Chakotay wove his fingers through her hair, holding her a little away from him and forced himself not to thrust into her mouth. She didn't like that, but what she did like was to be on top and pushing her away from him, he pulled her up his body until she was straddling his thighs. He stared deep into her eyes as he lowered her onto him. Kathryn's head dropped back and she closed her eyes and groaned. He bit his lower lip, staving off his climax. She felt so good. The warm slick heat surrounded him, the pressure cocooning him.

She stilled and opening her eyes she looked into his, echoing his thoughts. "As interesting as it was to be you, _this_ I love."

He grinned. "No complaints here." And thrust up into her. She leant forward, her hands landing on his chest and her fingers curling into his skin.

Chakotay held her hips as she rocked against him, and watched in awe as she threw her head back and thrust herself down onto him time and time again. Her breasts jolted with each thrust and his hand drifted up and palmed them one at a time, pinching her nipples before leaning forward and taking them between his lips and suckling gently. Kathryn moaned and increased her pace, clasping his head to her breasts as she undulated over him and he thrust in counterpoint. Her legs began to shudder as her orgasm began to build. Chakotay could feel the flutter of her internal muscles.

Pushing his head away from her, and holding it between her hands, she opened her eyes and through the haze of arousal she met his gaze. They held each other's eyes until with a low moan, Chakotay felt the telltale clench of her inner muscles and Kathryn's body seized. Her back arched and he held her as she shuddered through her climax. She was so beautiful, so abandoned and although he tried to hold back, the moment was too intense and with a groan, he pressed into her and came, hot and hard.

Kathryn collapsed onto his front, breathing heavily. Her hands slid up over chest and she cupped his face and kissed him deeply. Chakotay's arms wrapped tightly around her and he held her. He didn't ever want to let her go.

Rolling over, they lay together looking up at the ceiling for several minutes and Kathryn snuggled into his side. "I think Alarii is the perfect place for some shore leave. What do you think, Chakotay?"

He kissed Kathryn's forehead and nodded. "If we get to spend it like this, then put me down for a month."

Kathryn slapped him gently. "You have a one track mind, and now I know that as an absolute certainty."

Cupping her breast and gently kneading the soft flesh, he agreed. "Where you're concerned, there's no argument."

Kathryn laughed. "We'll ask Edela when we see her, if it's all right."

"Hello. What did you want to ask me?" The petite Alariian ruler stepped through the curtains, into the room from the balcony.

Kathryn and Chakotay both sat up, Kathryn clasped the sheet to her front. "Edela, we didn't know you were there." Kathryn glanced quickly at Chakotay. "Were you there long?"

Edela shook her head. "Don't worry Kathryn, I did not spy on you while you made love, but I am very pleased to see that you finally found yourselves in each other. Did I not tell you?"

Kathryn was rather flustered and just answered with an "Uh, yes."

Edela moved over towards them and perched herself on the end of the bed. "Now what did you want to ask me?"

Having gathered her wits a little, Kathryn answered. "We were wondering if it would be possible for all our crew to visit your planet for a couple of days of shore leave. It has been quite some time since they've had any time off the ship."

Without hesitation, Edela nodded. "I think that would be a wonderful idea. Do they all want to come down together or in groups?"

"Oh, please don't bring them down just yet. I don't think they're ready to see us like this." Kathryn smiled, not wanting to offend the Alariian ruler, but terrified that the crew would suddenly appear in their room while they were in flagranti delicto. Just the thought of Tuvok's face and Tom Paris's comments were enough to put her off sex for at least a week. She looked sideways at Chakotay and changed her mind, perhaps a day or two at most. Edela caught her eye and she smiled knowingly.

"Well, my friends. I will leave you to your lovemaking and when you are ready to beam your crew down just call for me and I will arrange accommodations and activities. I am looking forward to more visitors." She slid off the bed and moved towards the open balcony doors.

"Edela?" Kathryn called to her and the small woman turned back. "Thank you, for everything. But before you go, can I ask you a question?"

"Certainly, Kathryn."

"How did it happen?" She waved her hand in between herself and Chakotay. "Was it the flower or you?"

Edela smiled. "It was the Erisis flower. It gives you what you need the most and in this case, for you, it was each other. Simple really and it rarely fails."

Kathryn nodded, but her curiosity was piqued, she wanted to study the flower and the pollen and find out what it was that facilitated the transfer. She opened her mouth to ask, but Edela shook her head before she could utter a word. "No, Kathryn." She smiled. "Sometimes it is best to leave the mystery alone and just believe." Her eyes shifted to Chakotay's. "You understand don't you, Chakotay? Some things just _are_ and to analyse and find a reason only spoils the magic. Enjoy your love and each other and be content in the knowledge that it was meant to be. That is all you need to know." With a gentle smile, she slipped through the doorway and was gone.

Kathryn turned to Chakotay and opened her mouth to say something, but he kissed her instead. Eventually, he pulled away and stroked her cheek. "She's right, Kathryn. That's all you need to know."

He waited, wondering if she would push the point but she just shrugged. "All right. I'll accept that. But you might have to run it by me a few times so I've got it down pat."

Chakotay chuckled and pulled her into his arms and they practiced for the rest of the afternoon.

* * *

The lift doors hissed open and the entire bridge crew waited with bated breath. The staccato clip of her boots rang loud in the silence as she made her way to the command level. Standing in the centre of the bridge with her hands on her hips, Kathryn surveyed the room. Taking two steps forward, and after quickly glancing at Chakotay over her shoulder, she smiled. "Good morning, everyone. It's time to say good bye and set a course for home."

Chakotay watched from his seat as she greeted the crew and he smiled to himself. It was good to have her back. He could almost feel the entire ship breathe a sigh of relief.

The viewscreen came to life with the cheerful faces of Denlen and Edela. "Safe journey, Voyagers and may you see the stars of home soon. Kathryn and Chakotay?" Chakotay came to stand to Kathryn's left and the two Alariians nodded their heads. "Long life."

They both smiled in return and Kathryn bowed her head slightly. "Thank you, Edela and Denlen. For everything."

With one last smile the Alariians disappeared from the screen.

Tom spun around and grinned at his Captain. She nodded her head. "You know the way, Mr Paris. Let's do it."

Kathryn and Chakotay both turned and took their seats as Voyager swung away from the planet and resumed her journey home.

- _fin_ -


End file.
